I am a person full of questions. I want to know why the world is the way it is, what it means, and how to make it better… and I ask the same questions about myself. I have this feeling that there are revelations waiting to be had and hidden meanings waiting to be discovered. I think of this as the something more. The something more is huge. Everything I know, have learned and experienced is just the tip of the iceberg and the something more is everything below the surface. There is so much that I don’t understand but I have hope that someday everything will make sense.
My drive toward discovery started early in my life. I got in trouble once when I was about four and I led my two younger brothers Tim and Joe off into the woods behind my parents house. When a neighbor spotted us running through the trees he called my parents and they came and wrangled us up and told us not to run off like that again. Luckily for me, I grew up in a place where exploring as a child was fairly safe. I had acres and acres of hills and valleys, forests and pastures to ride ponies, build forts and run free.
After learning to read, I felt immense internal vistas open up to me. I was called “readaholic” in middle school because I had my nose in a book literally every spare minute of the day and often into the night when I was supposed to be asleep. My perceptions of what the world was like and what the human experience was grew rapidly and looking back I believe that books were crucial to my growth and understanding. Maybe the most important ingredient in my personal life philosophy. They were full of the something more and I was ravenous for it, even though at the time all I could have said is that I liked reading and that it excited me and made me happy.
After I graduated from college I started working for a large corporation in the city where I had gone to school. I was only there for about a year and a half before I started to feel stuck. I was used to the work, wasn’t learning anything new and I didn’t have enough time or energy outside of work to delve into the something more. It was also around this time that I met Lara. She was filled with the something more. She was (and is) my other half. She was on a completely different path and had completely different experiences and yet I felt like we were the same. Maybe it was our common desire for new experiences, our sense of adventure, that brought us together at first, but it was bigger than that. It felt that as I learned more about Lara I learned more about myself. It was a revelation into the the unknowns of my life and the something more.
The bursts of insight into the something more have become farther apart as I’ve gotten older and they are not as easy to find as they used to be. They also tend to require more skepticism… as an adult interested in the unknown you tend to come across a lot of conspiracy theories. Belief and faith start to play a part because there is a shortage of raw data and evidence. I am, I suppose, an interesting case because I also have a scientific mind and my education as an engineer has taught me the scientific method. I’m not liable to run around shouting opinions on religion or the end of the world (actually I’m not likely to run around shouting at all) but I’m fascinated by religion through the ages and the history of our planet and the life on it. I have to work a little harder to find these nuggets of truth but in today’s day and age there is so much information available to me, its incredible. Unprecedented looking at all of history as we know it. I do know so much about so many things. But the something more comes also from experiences, living my life in the best way I can figure, becoming acquainted with plenty of new friends, places, and challenges. Challenges are great teachers.
I’m enjoying this venture into farming because it is challenging. It is making me do things in a new way and its providing me some education. Its uncovering new truths for me and it just feels like the right place and right time. I hope that it continues to be fruitful and I’m excited about the possibilities.
Everyone has a relationship with this something more… we can be scared of it, we can be drawn to it like a moth to flame, or anywhere in between.
“The soul of each individual is a portion then of the whole, with the birth right of “creative forces” to become a co-creator with the Father, co-laborer with “Him.” As that birth right is then manifested, growth ensues.” -Edgar Cayce